It's Never About Us

I’ve just watched on Facebook one of those videos where one person does something nice and not expected for another one, and a third one sees it and being inspired they also help someone else— and it brought me to tears (see, there are some good things on FB after all)

So I thought of why it made me feel so much emotion, and I think the answer was that at the core of each one of us it’s simply Love. That it is out nature to give and to receive that pure love. I think it touched me because something within me acknowledged that this is what truly makes us whole in life.

Ironically, we are looking so far outside of ourselves in search of that fulfillment.

This short video made me think of another FB posting the other day, a picture, which said The real question is, what have you done for those around you today? (or smtg like that).

Being moved to a new area, still searching for jobs and trying to get settled in, I almost felt justified in being self-absorbed and focused on our own things. After all, not knowing people can make it tough to do nice things for them.

But after a quick pondering on these things I realized things would be so much better if I became more aware of others and if I focused on someone else rather than being absorbed by my own challenges.

Last year I heard a story, which depicts this concept quite well.

A mother threw a birthday party for her four-year-old son. About 12 kids were gathered around the table, chatting and having fun. Then it was time to hand out to the birthday boy his presents. This other kid, Johnny, started throwing a fit, he wanted the gifts for himself, and was bothered that someone else was the center of attention. Then the mom turned to Johnny, and in a whispering, yet firm voice said: Johnny, today it’s not about you!

The moral of the story is that this applies to each one of us, for every day of our lives – it’s never about us.

Sometimes the only action needed is to BELIEVE

When you move to a new city you’ve never even visited before, two weeks after you got married, it can be a little bit intimidating and even discouraging.  Luckily I did have this really good friend who took us in for the first week.

So I have this illusion that there is one best way to do everything, that there is one best apartment we should live in, and that there is one best job I should be having, and so on … you get the picture. And because I’m wired to think that there is one optimum way or thing in everything, once I come across that one thing, I tend to get all worked up and to focus all my mental capacity and efforts towards that one thing.

Most recent such happening is with a perfect apartment we found here in our new city of residence, Arlington VA. Not only is it close to the Metro station and all the major stores one would ever need (i.e. Nordstrom, Nordstrom Rack, Bed Bath and Beyond, Costco, Marshalls, Macys and even more), but it is also so cute: hardwood floors, freshly painted walls, pretty spacious and just homey and perfect. Well since this is not good ol’ Sac town, where I never needed to apply to get a place, but went through family connections, we had to undergo this slightly stressful application process. It’s been a bit humbling and we still haven’t heard back whether is yey or nay.

As I was all worked up and a bit discouraged on Sat. I saw this quote, out of all places at the World Market. 

And I realized that sometimes all it’s required of us to get to where we wanna get, is to BELIEVE. I realized that my problem is not a lack of taking action or responsibility, but maybe having this notion that I may, somehow, have more power and can influence my environment more than I really can.

At first, it may seem almost easier to be believing rather than to take action, but I think it’s actually tougher. It’s always easier for me to make a mental or even physical list of the logical elements necessary for me to tackle and accomplish whatever it is that I want to accomplish; by contrast, having that faith which makes things happen, is to have a belief in something which by all standards you shouldn’t. And isn’t that the definition of miracles? Maybe the most impressive miracle of humanity is the potential we have to believe things out of this world.

And that’s how I backed off, relaxed some and acknowledged that I have already covered all that I could influence on my own and that the rest is up to the Universe…

Cleaving Unto Each Other in Less than two weeks

So I’m getting married in less than two weeks. Conceptually I get the fact that my life may go through the biggest change (greater than even changing continents back at 18). But what exactly does it mean to be united in marriage to my special one?

For a long time and before I met Ethan I was worried about the effect marriage can have on some people. I feel that some people lose their own identity when getting married. Even among stronger-personality people that I’ve known, after they got married one subdued to the other almost entirely, often times losing their charisma and what makes them them. And in most cases, if not all, it’s all subconscious and not decided upon by one or the other.

Yet, this was something I never wanted to experience, both not losing myself and what makes me, me; but even more importantly I never wanted to shut him down and have him subdue.

In our case it helps the fact that we’re both plenty opinionated (after all there’s a reason we both work in politics). But I think it’s also a conscious effort in allowing the other person to expand themselves and make them become more not less.

I was a bit intrigued when I learned that the verb ‘to cleave’ which is the Bible command for spouses to cleave unto each other, is the only verb in English which means both to come together and to separate.

One of my favorite writers, Kahlil Gibran said this regarding this very aspect of coming together in marriage:

"You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore.

You shall be together when white wings of death scatter your days.

Aye, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.

But let there be spaces in your togetherness,

And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.

Love one another but make not a bond of love:

Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.

Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.

Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.

Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,

Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.

Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.

For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.

And stand together, yet not too near together:

For the pillars of the temple stand apart,

And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.”

We’ll see how well we’ll be applying it past 12-12-12 though….

How would God teach humanity how to become like the Deity?

Parenthood. I find it the best way to have us become more like Him.

And why do parents love their children so much?

One day this year I was driving to see Ethan and I felt really at peace and loved by the Lord in a profound and complete way. My next thought was to wonder why exactly the Lord loved me so much. And I came up with two answers. 

One, He loves me because I am a part of Him, that there is a tiny bit in my make up that is divine and a part of Him. And two, He loves me because he sees my full potential, He sees me for who I really am, and knows how far and how high I can reach.

Realizing these two things has not justified or made me fully deserving of His love in such a complete and unconditional manner, it did, however, put it into perspective about understanding where it comes from.

For the same two reasons I believe parents love their children.

If God wanted He could have had us come into this world through some other way, but He chose to have us give birth and have our children be literally a part of us…and how would you not love that being when you understand whom they can become and how they may emulate your example.

Of course with this experience comes great responsibility and in helping our children most I think the first step is understanding who we are in this mortal existence and what we need to be doing with our lives in order to reach complete and perpetual happiness. And then passing that knowledge on, of both their divine identity and the pathway to the highest level of happiness is probably the greatest gift we can offer our children.

And of course these are all conclusions reached without having had yet that extraordinary experience of becoming a parent.

How Freedom Equals Love

Throughout my life I've always been fascinated and have sought eternal truths.

Working in politics has exposed me to many different ideas on a regular basis. But they are secular and not self-standing, they are easily disputed and people take various stands.
In contrast, eternal truths are self-standing and eventually adopted by everyone.

One of the latest such principles I have focused on, is that of Freedom.
It was triggered by this Veterans event I have attended for work. The event was started with the national anthem and pledge of allegiance, with a prayer and patriotic messages. Not having been raised with any of this, I got emotional and started pondering on the concept of freedom.

I realized that Freedom=Love. And I identified three different areas that this principle applies: 1. God’s gift of freedom to each living individual, 2. National freedom in a secular, political way and 3. Parents enabling their children to live life to its highest level by giving them freedom.

On the grandest level, God's love for us, I believe is best signified by the freedom he's giving us. Before we were even born we were given the opportunity to choose whether to come on this earth or not. Then he's put our first parents in such an environment where they could choose for themselves.
Many atheists I've talked to claim that their disbelief in a Heavenly Father stems from the fact that a loving God would never allow all the atrocities here on earth to take place. Ironically, I believe it is because of Him not interfering with humans’ decisions that we can feel His love most. By allowing us to choose for ourselves and allowing us to become who we choose to become is the only way for us to reach our full potential, and this is so important to Him that in spite of many people’s suffering He’s showing his love by not interfering.

Next aspect of freedom has to do with national freedoms: that of freedom of speech, of expressing oneself, of worshipping as each wishes...etc. When considering a country to live in where my family and I would have best chances to flourish and be happy, I wouldn't look into its GDP, or level of poverty, etc. But I believe those very freedoms mentioned above make all the difference in the world. That's truly what empowers the individuals and allows them to become who they need to become. Of course in the process of it there will be increased crimes, there will be plenty of individuals who will choose wrong over good, but that is the price we pay for allowing these freedoms.

The third type of freedom which translates into love is that of parents rearing their children. From observation and own interaction with kids of different ages I came to realize that allowing each one of them to develop and make conscientious choices for themselves, again giving them freedom, translates into love. This very act of loving own child so much that the parent is willing to allow them to make mistakes even, I find it as the highest act of love the parent could manifest. This aspect of freedom is probably also the hardest one to apply. At what point does the parent start fulfilling their responsibilities to protect and provide a solid foundation for their children, and when do they step aside and allow them to choose for themselves and even make their own mistakes?

Fathers Are Essential - And Especially Mine

It’s only fit I posted something about my father for Fathers’ Day as I’ve done so for my mother for Mothers’ Day this year.

First of all, men should be glad they live in a country which celebrates fathers, as in Romania and I’m guessing many other countries, we didn’t have a day set aside for Fathers (we do, however, have a Children’s Day –June 1st, probably Communism workings).

The main reason I don’t just love my father but I actually like him as well (i.e. who he is, how he thinks, how he sees the world etc.) and probably the most selfish one is that we are so much alike— not liking him would be not liking myself. And he does get the credit of me having emulated him and not the other way around, as he’s entered the world 17 years before I have.

It’s a bit difficult describing my relationship with my father, as so much of it goes deeper than words and even actions can describe. I would, however, say that seeing me happy has become his main purpose of existence ever since I’ve entered into his life; the way he reaches his happiness is through ensuring I am well taken care of and as happy as I can be.

I’m not sure that for the first years of my life I even understood completely that he was my father, or what that really meant, as I felt him more of a friend and as my equal than some sort of an authority figure. He would play with me constantly, and would integrate me into his life, so taking me training at his boxing gym, having me ride on his motorcycle as a toddler, and taking me jogging around the block and showing off to his friends when at 4 I could do 50 push-ups were common activities for us.

Probably the biggest gift Jean (I actually haven't called him dad since being a freshman in highschool) has offered me is that of being unreasonable. Yes, that of daring to dream and of aiming high when everyone around would shrink from it. Based on my life experience, he’s probably the person who believes the most in himself and who succeeds in spite of all odds. He has never waited around for opportunities to appear but has gone out and made it happen.

When all the other parents would demand their children to follow orders from their teachers (as ridiculous and as unfair as they might have been), my dad would let me know that he’d be on my side if I got in trouble at school as a result of expressing my opinions. And he’s always stuck by that promise he's made to me.

He’s taught me that when things are hard and I feel like giving up (whether when working out or looking for a dream job), to look around me and acknowledge that it feels just as hard for those around me, that they are struggling too but that the difference will be made by not giving up, especially when it gets hard.

He’s taught me that consistency is the key to success—that sooner or later if I keep at it I will achieve what I’m looking for, in just the way I’ve envisioned it.

My father would be the one who would fret when I got an A- and would ask why not a clean A. He’s also the first one to cheer me on and to brag about me to everyone who knows him.

What strikes me most about father-child relationships is that whether with a daughter or a son, the quality of this relationship determines so much in the kid’s life-Daughters end up expecting to be cherished and respected in future romantic relationships if they’ve experienced a healthy relationship and connection with their fathers. And sons become strong, responsible individuals who will provide and take care of their families.

Unfortunately, the opposite holds true too, whenever the child-father relationship is damaged it seems to linger with them for the rest of their lives, creating low self-esteem and unhealthy behavioral patterns. The unstable state of our world today, I believe it’s a direct result of weak and irresponsible fathers who have not cherished their children.

I feel so blessed and grateful to my father for whom he chose to be and for loving me in one of the purest and highest way I could be loved. His love for me has made it easy for me to understand and tap into the love that my Heavenly Father has for all of his children. Happy Fathers’ Day, Jeani.

I Love Her because she Loved Me first!

I started thinking more about my mother, not only because today was Mothers’ Day, but also because I’ve spent more time with her this week (we went shopping together, made cozonac – this Romanian crazy dessert which takes 5-6 hrs to make, and we weeded her garden), and I realized how much I really do enjoy spending time with her.

Being at church today, listening to talks on Moms, made me think of some of my mom’s traits that I admire and I would like to emulate, not just as a mother some day but also as a person.

Mom is curious – she wants to know a lot about my life.
Mom cares about every aspect of my life, she wants me to improve in every way.
She gets more pleasure from buying me something than for getting something great for herself.
She never gives up, even if it may be annoying to the rest of us, she is persistent – whether in making you try some food (when you clearly stated you weren’t going to have any), or solve some intricate, DMV or bureaucratic problem, she never gives up until she solves the issue.
Mom is best at finding stuff, you know the stuff that falls off the face of the earth with nowhere to be found, she magically finds it within seconds when you searched for minutes.
She rarely, if ever, says No – whether to helping for a late night school project that you’ve procrastinated on, or modifying that dress that I had to wear right the next day.
She’s never self-elevated herself, it’s never about HER.
My problems become her problems, instantly.
In spite of her love and care for me, she has this incredible objectivity when giving me advice, so she’s the first one to let me know that some piece of clothing doesn’t look good on me (when I inaccurately really think it does), or that I wasn’t the one right when arguing with someone.
We can and often do, gossip about everyone and everything.
She never stops talking, if she’s silent, then that’s bad – it makes our encounters way more entertaining, we also never get tired going over the same things at various times.
She’ll never stop forgiving us for making fun of her, for offending or even criticizing something she did etc.
Mom loves me unconditionally, always!