The Circle of Life

When my grandpa passed away I started thinking of how generations are passing on while new ones are forming. And maybe it was in response to my mourning and in a way coping with his passing that I started thinking of my future children and that our family will carry on.

Well, I am happy to report that a new little person will be joining our family, prospectively on May 14^th of 2014.

So I knew that parenthood is synonym to sacrifice, but I had no idea how early on that can start. Also, I’m not sure if I live in a land of brave women who never complain about their physical difficulties even when facing great challenges, or normal women don’t get to go through this much, but so far this BABY has been kicking my trash.

Starting with week 6 (I am a little over 13 weeks right now), I started feeling the nausea, it was bad, smells any smells felt strong and I felt like I was gonna throw up every step I took. Starting with week…9 or 10 I did start throwing up, sometimes more than once a day.

At first I was really worried about gaining too much weight, as I know it has been done before in my family. But judging on my food aversions, and the fact that even water sets me off, now I’m worried I won’t put on enough weight. And this is another thing, I’ve already started with the worrying, even if I promised myself I won’t be one of those overprotective freako moms…

So yeah, I’ll admit it, it’s been tough feeling really excited when my whole life and personality have changed. I haven't felt like doing much besides sleeping and resting, even talking tires me off. 

But that all changed yesterday, when we got our first ultrasound. The baby was at first in a sitting position and it was tough to get the needed measurements, but shortly after it started twisting and turning and doing all these movements, as if trying to impress us or something. We don’t know what it is yet, but I think it looked like a boy. We wanted a girl to begin with but it got us really excited for either or.

Our first Sonogram at 13 weeks
They never meant much before, until it was Ours. 

A few weeks ago I had to pack up all the clothes I won’t be able to wear for a while. That means I am left with maybe 30% of my wardrobe.  It’s terrible; I’ve never had such limited outfit selection. And I’m not even up to part to going shopping for more maternity clothes.

There are some good parts about pregnancy, when I can tolerate food I get to eat and enjoy it freely, with no guilt. The husband is super understanding and does most of the housework now days. Family from far away is checking in and is super excited for us. I can skip (and I do it a lot) putting on makeup and taking care of myself (especially when feeling so crappy).  Sitting down in the front seats on the metro reserved for old or needy persons, even though it’s still hard to see I’m prego, but I’m having a clear conscience knowing I don’t have to yield the seat.  

In one word, this is a whole NEW experience. I was ready for it, I had no idea it would be this hard, but it had to be done and I feel blessed to be entrusted with a special spirit to bring on this earth and to care for. Also, if my husband is still in love with me after all the puking and being so run-down, now that’s the true love I was banking on. 

How would God teach humanity how to become like the Deity?

Parenthood. I find it the best way to have us become more like Him.

And why do parents love their children so much?

One day this year I was driving to see Ethan and I felt really at peace and loved by the Lord in a profound and complete way. My next thought was to wonder why exactly the Lord loved me so much. And I came up with two answers. 

One, He loves me because I am a part of Him, that there is a tiny bit in my make up that is divine and a part of Him. And two, He loves me because he sees my full potential, He sees me for who I really am, and knows how far and how high I can reach.

Realizing these two things has not justified or made me fully deserving of His love in such a complete and unconditional manner, it did, however, put it into perspective about understanding where it comes from.

For the same two reasons I believe parents love their children.

If God wanted He could have had us come into this world through some other way, but He chose to have us give birth and have our children be literally a part of us…and how would you not love that being when you understand whom they can become and how they may emulate your example.

Of course with this experience comes great responsibility and in helping our children most I think the first step is understanding who we are in this mortal existence and what we need to be doing with our lives in order to reach complete and perpetual happiness. And then passing that knowledge on, of both their divine identity and the pathway to the highest level of happiness is probably the greatest gift we can offer our children.

And of course these are all conclusions reached without having had yet that extraordinary experience of becoming a parent.