Sometimes the only action needed is to BELIEVE

When you move to a new city you’ve never even visited before, two weeks after you got married, it can be a little bit intimidating and even discouraging.  Luckily I did have this really good friend who took us in for the first week.

So I have this illusion that there is one best way to do everything, that there is one best apartment we should live in, and that there is one best job I should be having, and so on … you get the picture. And because I’m wired to think that there is one optimum way or thing in everything, once I come across that one thing, I tend to get all worked up and to focus all my mental capacity and efforts towards that one thing.

Most recent such happening is with a perfect apartment we found here in our new city of residence, Arlington VA. Not only is it close to the Metro station and all the major stores one would ever need (i.e. Nordstrom, Nordstrom Rack, Bed Bath and Beyond, Costco, Marshalls, Macys and even more), but it is also so cute: hardwood floors, freshly painted walls, pretty spacious and just homey and perfect. Well since this is not good ol’ Sac town, where I never needed to apply to get a place, but went through family connections, we had to undergo this slightly stressful application process. It’s been a bit humbling and we still haven’t heard back whether is yey or nay.

As I was all worked up and a bit discouraged on Sat. I saw this quote, out of all places at the World Market. 

And I realized that sometimes all it’s required of us to get to where we wanna get, is to BELIEVE. I realized that my problem is not a lack of taking action or responsibility, but maybe having this notion that I may, somehow, have more power and can influence my environment more than I really can.

At first, it may seem almost easier to be believing rather than to take action, but I think it’s actually tougher. It’s always easier for me to make a mental or even physical list of the logical elements necessary for me to tackle and accomplish whatever it is that I want to accomplish; by contrast, having that faith which makes things happen, is to have a belief in something which by all standards you shouldn’t. And isn’t that the definition of miracles? Maybe the most impressive miracle of humanity is the potential we have to believe things out of this world.

And that’s how I backed off, relaxed some and acknowledged that I have already covered all that I could influence on my own and that the rest is up to the Universe…

MARRIAGE – THE MIRACLE OF LIFE

For the longest time, I considered bringing a newborn into the world the greatest miracle of life. I still consider this as a miracle and the power, which makes us more like our Heavenly Father. However, after pondering and after having some personal experiences, I have come to the conclusion that the greatest miracle in life is that of Marriage.

I can’t think of a better descriptive of marriage than that of a ‘miracle.’ Having two complete strangers, of different backgrounds, interests and many times from opposite sides of the world, come together and unite to each other, that to me constitutes the greatest miracle.

Considering how unnatural it actually is to commit and become one with someone who was once a complete stranger, it doesn’t surprise me the high divorce rates of today’s world. Many of them are even justified in choosing to go separate ways. For this reason what really surprises me is couples of years together, who are still committed to each other and who continue on and succeed in their marriage.

I am fascinated with the whole process of it. You go on a first date, many times with a complete stranger, if having been set up, then not even knowing what they look like. Then you try your hardest to read into each other, of course both putting their best self first. It’s almost like applying/interviewing for a job. And potentially, that same person can (and in the cases that end up in marriage) turn into the person by whom you will wake up for the rest of your life. That to me is magical!

Most people who are important and dear to us are usually blood-related, our spouses on the other hand, are not related to us; and I think this is by design, so that we would have to sacrifice and work hard into learning how to love them, up to the point that their happiness is more important to us than our own.

I believe that marriage is the process by which we become most like God. Although we each look for someone to marry who is the closest to our idea of perfection, I believe it is by design that none of us is perfect. Had we been perfect and lovable at all times it wouldn’t have been as high of a sacrifice to commit and stick with each other. Unfortunately this is the very reason for which many couples choose to separate, when in fact being imperfect beings gives us the opportunity of growing and becoming more Godly.

I find it fascinating how one can reach the level of identifying and defining who they are through their partner. It is as if the two have become one entity, this being independent of bringing forth offspring, that being a whole different process in and of itself.

The key to a successful marriage and the first step towards success is a proper knowledge and development of own character and self. I think it is imperative not only to know oneself but to also be content and at peace with own life. I believe that most misunderstandings and attacks in marriage come from insecurities and a lack of knowledge and understanding of own value and self worth.

The second step in ensuring a successful marriage is the selection process. You’d think that once one would know themselves well and their needs and wants that a proper selection will follow naturally and in most cases. That is not necessarily so. The secret to proper selection, I believe, is being patient. It is paying in the present the price for what you ultimately want.

I’ve seen too many who are rushing into marriage whether out of fear of never finding who they really want and would feel connected to, or wanting to satisfy certain needs in a timely manner. Having a short-sighted perspective is never a good idea when choosing anything in life, but specially when selecting your eternal companion.

I haven’t made too many mistakes in my life. That was until this last October, when I purchased a new car. Although my dream car is a Mercedes, not thinking (and really not being able to at the time) that I could afford it, I cut myself short and ended up purchasing a PT Cruiser. Doing so still got me excited, having a more spacious, new car. But this lasted for about two months, when I realized that my car didn’t really represent me. When I got my dream job I further realized that I could have afforded my dream car, had I waited a little longer.

I will probably end up losing a few couple thousand dollars in trying to get rid of the PT, imagine though the cost of rushing into marrying someone who is almost the person you want and would be happy with (the car still drove me around, after all…), yet not being and never being able to become the Mercedes.

When trying to find the optimum person with whom you’ll spend the rest of your life, in spite of what others may be saying, it is not a matter of being too picky or of thinking too highly of oneself. It is a matter of exercising faith and first bringing yourself to the level you imagine marriage needs to be, and then looking for the person who is at that same level, to whose life you can contribute and enhance. Anything less than this, I believe, would make one unhappy, and therefore not being able to contribute to the other person's life.

Remember, we cannot give someone something we don’t have ourselves.