TRUE LOVE

I'm sure we’ve all known people who seemed so much in love with each other only to end it at some point. So, was it love or not?

In my book, true love is the one that LASTS. I think the defining factor should be whether it sustained the test of time. Of course, you shouldn’t suffer through it all just to make it to the finish line. But if you’re committed to each other and don’t give yourself a way out, with the right type of work it will be a good relationship.

Some may swear they love their significant other and that it’s the truest of love, but then they still split up. Maybe even more important than having True Love is having a Strong Commitment. Maybe the strong feelings, attraction, connection, all of the good stuff isn’t enough to sustain a lasting relationship.

Commitment in general is underrated for my generation. People say a whole bunch and deliver much too little. When things get rough they tend to escape, it happens with friendships, with family relationships and they do so in marriage. There’s almost a sense of self righteousness and people brag about cutting off those they don’t agree with and are struggling to maintain a relationship.

To me my commitments mean more than what I want in the present. And following through is a must, not because others expect it, because I feel like no one even cares much anymore as they almost expect you to flake out. But I keep my commitments because that’s my own standard, and I like to feel good about myself. That goes for any minor or major commitments.

Perhaps instead of searching for true love when marrying someone, you should ensure they are a person of Strong Commitments. That will pay off more throughout your marriage and life than true love alone will.

The Circle of Life

When my grandpa passed away I started thinking of how generations are passing on while new ones are forming. And maybe it was in response to my mourning and in a way coping with his passing that I started thinking of my future children and that our family will carry on.

Well, I am happy to report that a new little person will be joining our family, prospectively on May 14^th of 2014.

So I knew that parenthood is synonym to sacrifice, but I had no idea how early on that can start. Also, I’m not sure if I live in a land of brave women who never complain about their physical difficulties even when facing great challenges, or normal women don’t get to go through this much, but so far this BABY has been kicking my trash.

Starting with week 6 (I am a little over 13 weeks right now), I started feeling the nausea, it was bad, smells any smells felt strong and I felt like I was gonna throw up every step I took. Starting with week…9 or 10 I did start throwing up, sometimes more than once a day.

At first I was really worried about gaining too much weight, as I know it has been done before in my family. But judging on my food aversions, and the fact that even water sets me off, now I’m worried I won’t put on enough weight. And this is another thing, I’ve already started with the worrying, even if I promised myself I won’t be one of those overprotective freako moms…

So yeah, I’ll admit it, it’s been tough feeling really excited when my whole life and personality have changed. I haven't felt like doing much besides sleeping and resting, even talking tires me off. 

But that all changed yesterday, when we got our first ultrasound. The baby was at first in a sitting position and it was tough to get the needed measurements, but shortly after it started twisting and turning and doing all these movements, as if trying to impress us or something. We don’t know what it is yet, but I think it looked like a boy. We wanted a girl to begin with but it got us really excited for either or.

Our first Sonogram at 13 weeks
They never meant much before, until it was Ours. 

A few weeks ago I had to pack up all the clothes I won’t be able to wear for a while. That means I am left with maybe 30% of my wardrobe.  It’s terrible; I’ve never had such limited outfit selection. And I’m not even up to part to going shopping for more maternity clothes.

There are some good parts about pregnancy, when I can tolerate food I get to eat and enjoy it freely, with no guilt. The husband is super understanding and does most of the housework now days. Family from far away is checking in and is super excited for us. I can skip (and I do it a lot) putting on makeup and taking care of myself (especially when feeling so crappy).  Sitting down in the front seats on the metro reserved for old or needy persons, even though it’s still hard to see I’m prego, but I’m having a clear conscience knowing I don’t have to yield the seat.  

In one word, this is a whole NEW experience. I was ready for it, I had no idea it would be this hard, but it had to be done and I feel blessed to be entrusted with a special spirit to bring on this earth and to care for. Also, if my husband is still in love with me after all the puking and being so run-down, now that’s the true love I was banking on. 

Cleaving Unto Each Other in Less than two weeks

So I’m getting married in less than two weeks. Conceptually I get the fact that my life may go through the biggest change (greater than even changing continents back at 18). But what exactly does it mean to be united in marriage to my special one?

For a long time and before I met Ethan I was worried about the effect marriage can have on some people. I feel that some people lose their own identity when getting married. Even among stronger-personality people that I’ve known, after they got married one subdued to the other almost entirely, often times losing their charisma and what makes them them. And in most cases, if not all, it’s all subconscious and not decided upon by one or the other.

Yet, this was something I never wanted to experience, both not losing myself and what makes me, me; but even more importantly I never wanted to shut him down and have him subdue.

In our case it helps the fact that we’re both plenty opinionated (after all there’s a reason we both work in politics). But I think it’s also a conscious effort in allowing the other person to expand themselves and make them become more not less.

I was a bit intrigued when I learned that the verb ‘to cleave’ which is the Bible command for spouses to cleave unto each other, is the only verb in English which means both to come together and to separate.

One of my favorite writers, Kahlil Gibran said this regarding this very aspect of coming together in marriage:

"You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore.

You shall be together when white wings of death scatter your days.

Aye, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.

But let there be spaces in your togetherness,

And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.

Love one another but make not a bond of love:

Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.

Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.

Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.

Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,

Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.

Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.

For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.

And stand together, yet not too near together:

For the pillars of the temple stand apart,

And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.”

We’ll see how well we’ll be applying it past 12-12-12 though….

MARRIAGE – THE MIRACLE OF LIFE

For the longest time, I considered bringing a newborn into the world the greatest miracle of life. I still consider this as a miracle and the power, which makes us more like our Heavenly Father. However, after pondering and after having some personal experiences, I have come to the conclusion that the greatest miracle in life is that of Marriage.

I can’t think of a better descriptive of marriage than that of a ‘miracle.’ Having two complete strangers, of different backgrounds, interests and many times from opposite sides of the world, come together and unite to each other, that to me constitutes the greatest miracle.

Considering how unnatural it actually is to commit and become one with someone who was once a complete stranger, it doesn’t surprise me the high divorce rates of today’s world. Many of them are even justified in choosing to go separate ways. For this reason what really surprises me is couples of years together, who are still committed to each other and who continue on and succeed in their marriage.

I am fascinated with the whole process of it. You go on a first date, many times with a complete stranger, if having been set up, then not even knowing what they look like. Then you try your hardest to read into each other, of course both putting their best self first. It’s almost like applying/interviewing for a job. And potentially, that same person can (and in the cases that end up in marriage) turn into the person by whom you will wake up for the rest of your life. That to me is magical!

Most people who are important and dear to us are usually blood-related, our spouses on the other hand, are not related to us; and I think this is by design, so that we would have to sacrifice and work hard into learning how to love them, up to the point that their happiness is more important to us than our own.

I believe that marriage is the process by which we become most like God. Although we each look for someone to marry who is the closest to our idea of perfection, I believe it is by design that none of us is perfect. Had we been perfect and lovable at all times it wouldn’t have been as high of a sacrifice to commit and stick with each other. Unfortunately this is the very reason for which many couples choose to separate, when in fact being imperfect beings gives us the opportunity of growing and becoming more Godly.

I find it fascinating how one can reach the level of identifying and defining who they are through their partner. It is as if the two have become one entity, this being independent of bringing forth offspring, that being a whole different process in and of itself.

The key to a successful marriage and the first step towards success is a proper knowledge and development of own character and self. I think it is imperative not only to know oneself but to also be content and at peace with own life. I believe that most misunderstandings and attacks in marriage come from insecurities and a lack of knowledge and understanding of own value and self worth.

The second step in ensuring a successful marriage is the selection process. You’d think that once one would know themselves well and their needs and wants that a proper selection will follow naturally and in most cases. That is not necessarily so. The secret to proper selection, I believe, is being patient. It is paying in the present the price for what you ultimately want.

I’ve seen too many who are rushing into marriage whether out of fear of never finding who they really want and would feel connected to, or wanting to satisfy certain needs in a timely manner. Having a short-sighted perspective is never a good idea when choosing anything in life, but specially when selecting your eternal companion.

I haven’t made too many mistakes in my life. That was until this last October, when I purchased a new car. Although my dream car is a Mercedes, not thinking (and really not being able to at the time) that I could afford it, I cut myself short and ended up purchasing a PT Cruiser. Doing so still got me excited, having a more spacious, new car. But this lasted for about two months, when I realized that my car didn’t really represent me. When I got my dream job I further realized that I could have afforded my dream car, had I waited a little longer.

I will probably end up losing a few couple thousand dollars in trying to get rid of the PT, imagine though the cost of rushing into marrying someone who is almost the person you want and would be happy with (the car still drove me around, after all…), yet not being and never being able to become the Mercedes.

When trying to find the optimum person with whom you’ll spend the rest of your life, in spite of what others may be saying, it is not a matter of being too picky or of thinking too highly of oneself. It is a matter of exercising faith and first bringing yourself to the level you imagine marriage needs to be, and then looking for the person who is at that same level, to whose life you can contribute and enhance. Anything less than this, I believe, would make one unhappy, and therefore not being able to contribute to the other person's life.

Remember, we cannot give someone something we don’t have ourselves.