So I’m getting married in less than two weeks. Conceptually
I get the fact that my life may go through the biggest change (greater than
even changing continents back at 18). But what exactly does it mean to be
united in marriage to my special one?
For a long time and before I met Ethan I was worried about
the effect marriage can have on some people. I feel that some people lose their
own identity when getting married. Even among stronger-personality people
that I’ve known, after they got married one subdued to the other almost entirely,
often times losing their charisma and what makes them them. And in most cases,
if not all, it’s all subconscious and not decided upon by one or the other.
Yet, this was something I never wanted to experience, both
not losing myself and what makes me, me; but even more importantly I never
wanted to shut him down and have him subdue.
In our case it helps the fact that we’re both plenty opinionated
(after all there’s a reason we both work in politics). But I think it’s also a
conscious effort in allowing the other person to expand themselves and make
them become more not less.
I was a bit intrigued when I learned that the verb ‘to cleave’
which is the Bible command for spouses to cleave unto each other, is the only
verb in English which means both to come together and to separate.
One of my favorite writers, Kahlil Gibran said this
regarding this very aspect of coming together in marriage:
"You were born
together, and together you shall be forevermore.
You shall be together when white wings of death scatter your days.
Aye, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.
But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.
Love one another but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.
Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together, yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.”
You shall be together when white wings of death scatter your days.
Aye, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.
But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.
Love one another but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.
Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together, yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.”
We’ll see how well we’ll be applying it past 12-12-12 though….
