Books on Taking Care of Your Baby - My Collection

Recently I had a few different friends ask about some of the books I have briefly shared with them before. So I wrote this post for them and anyone else that may want to check out some baby books that I've found helpful and insightful.

The order I chose for the books has to do with the chronological order you'd probably implement them. I will give a short description and share some of the things I learned. Truth be told, I am still in the process of reading each one of them, but I feel like I have a good grasp on each one.

1. YOU ARE YOUR CHILD'S FIRST TEACHER by Rahima Baldwin Dancy

This book it's a good first read because it provides a great background on the relationship you and your child will develop. It describes each stage the child goes through and it's useful in giving you heads up on what to expect. This knowledge will hopefully help you avoid some frustrations or thinking that you're doing something wrong.

What I learned:
- All children develop more or less the same between birth and 8 months old; the greatest impact your influence will make on them is between 8 months to 3 years old, when they'll actually change the most they ever will.
- They love it most seeing and hearing their mother speak to them; this was really sweet to learn, as I had a feeling it's good that I am around Emilia so much, but having the confirmation, has made me want to talk to her and hold her even more.
- She says that the excessive baby gear prevents parents from bonding with their baby; she advocates against the use of car seats outside of what they are made for, when travelling in the car; also she doesn't encourage walkers and bouncers.
- An American mom will only touch her baby an average of twice an hour, while a Puerto Rican mother will touch her baby 180 times an hour. A French mom touches her child 3 times more than an American one.
- And my favorite one, she encourages mothers to dress their child warm for their first year of life. And this was a piece of information I was really happy to read about, because ever since I was in college and I was exposed to American parenting through the students that had kids already, I would get infuriated when seeing how lightly those babies were dressed. The parents were more bundled up than them.

Now you see why I like this book; she addresses things that I feel are important and which are not usually talked about much.

2. INFANT POTTY TRAINING (or a concise version, INFANT POTTY BASICS) by Laurie Boucke 
So before you're baffled and appalled about this topic you should really see what is about and the motivation behind it.
I was referred to this book by a friend who saw on FB that I was going to attempt potty training my daughter who was 5 months at a time.
This method refers to a type of potty training, ELIMINATION COMMUNICATION, based on being in tune with your baby and listening to her natural cycle of elimination and responding to it.

What I Learned:
- Most moms will identify early on after coming home from the hospital the time when their baby will go potty, based on timing alone and/or facial expressions.
- Through the standard procedure we train babies to go potty in their diapers, only to have to undo it later on.

- Through this method, each time you know the child will go peeing or pooping, you place a receptacle under them; I actually learned that I was a bit late starting with my daughter at 5 months, and that this should be done all the way up to 4-5 months, starting as early as 2 weeks.
- Whenever they go peeing you make a Ssssshhhhsss sound, and they'll soon start associating it with peeing; and when they go number 2, you make a grunting face and help them go.
- This is not a forceful method by any means, and for the contrary, it bonds the mother and baby in a very special way. The method is not for all moms, it takes a special type of commitment.
- The motivation should not be to outdo other moms or compete with them, it's about doing what is best for your child and help them function to their potential; when their signals are ignored, they'll stop sending them altogether.

My experience so far:
After I started putting Emilia on the potty at around 5 months and 2 weeks, it took her less than a week to associate peeing with being on the potty. She will try to play around and anything around us will get her distracted, so I try to hide it all. I make the Sshssshhh sound and she goes if it's her time to go. I put her on the potty in the morning when she wakes up and after a quick feeding, after each nap, and in between if we're at home and I sense it's about time. As for pooping, she's been going on demand since the first week. It may be because she's not going very often anyway and when she does she needs some encouragement and tummy massaging. If you're worried that your baby is too little to sit on a porter potty, I used some puppy training pads when she was 5 months old. They worked great because she started disassociating going potty in a diaper, and the air flow helped as well. We now use about 2-3 diapers a day, sometimes including her over night one.

Very important is to not push them if they are not cooperating anymore. If she gets bored and unsettled I take her off and will try again later. Even the book advises to not obsessed over having your baby trained early, and that the bond between you and your baby is more important than having them trained.

I would say that if you're open to it to give it a shot. Everyone seems to have an opinion on it even though they've never tried it, but unless you try it, you won't know what it's about. And I tell you what, there's not much more satisfaction in life than when you've been able to make your baby poop in the porter potty all before 6 months old.

3. SUPER BABY FOOD by Ruth Yaron
Like many first-time moms I felt unprepared when I started feeding my baby solids. For us that was at 5 months old. This book is a great resource to identify when it's a good time to start your baby on solids, and what to feed them and how.

What I Learned:
- Recommended to start them on solids between 4-6 months, before then not only their body and digestive system is immature, but they also cannot refuse food, not turning their head when they're full. You can easily overfeed them, which can lead to obesity and other serious problems later on as adults.
- Feeding them too early may also lead to developing certain allergies.
- You don't want to wait later than 8 months to start on solids; if later than that they may not like the textures and refuse it all together.
- It's based on making all food at home, not only it's healthiest for your baby but it ends up being cheaper too, even when using all organic foods (which it does encourage to do)
- Best method to cook the veggies is to steam them in a steamer and then blend it with some of the water that cooked it. You can make bigger quantities, then freeze it in an ice tray, then you take the cubes and place in a ziplock bag.
- Eating size per serving when you start them is about an ice cube worth of pureed food, which you can microwave.
- You first feed them some milk, so they're not starving, then give them the solid, then you give them some water (it will help with their liver processing the solids), and that's really one or two teaspoons, and then you finish with a milk feeding.
- It talks about child proofing your home and it even teaches how to make homemade and safe cleaning agents (I haven't gotten to that yet, but I'm thinking to try it)
- Do not keep trying to feed the baby if they don't like the food; you can try feed it again in a week or two. And do not insist with that last spoonful if they don't want it, better to toss it away than to overfeed your baby.
- Do not use the sippy cups for any types of foods, use it only for water and milk if bottle fed.
- If the baby touched the food in a container, do not save it for later, their saliva could produce bacteria and spoil it even when refrigerated.

4. HOLDING TIME by Martha G. Welch, MD
I was given this book by a friend who is a triplet and her mom had to really focus on holding each one of them and making sure they each received needed attention. This book is more applicable when they become toddlers and specially if you have another baby. It's meant to help prevent tantrums and sibling rivalry, and produce happy mothers and loving, self-confident children.

What I Learned: 
- You set aside an hour or close to an hour, in a quiet spot in your home, where you and your child will have alone time with each other.
- You hold them on your lap facing you, and you start talking and discussing any differences.
- Instead of time outs, you actually discipline them at first and talk to them about why they acted the way they did, and why they think that was wrong and hurtful.
- After you both share things which are difficult to discuss (it actually says that at first they may fight you, and yell at you, but to not give up)
- Following the more rambunctious interaction between the two of you, then comes a state of calmness and openness and love between the two of you. You make up and continue to be close to each other, often times they'll fall asleep in your arms.
- This creates a pattern for the child knowing they will have that alone time with their mother (father and other family members are encouraged to do it too, but it's most helpful when the mom does it) and it makes them feel safe emotionally.

Sneak Peek: Upcoming post with the baby products I'm using. 

How May 14th turned into May 9th - Emilia's Birth Story

It may have been the case that Emilia was going to come five days earlier anyway, but when Gigi, aka, mom and now grandma, came into town, the following day she took me shopping for…oh, about five hours.

My first strong contractions happened on Wed. May 7^th around 8:00 pm when we were shopping at our last store. I was barely pushing the cart, leaning on it for strength and to be able to walk, and I could hear but not see mom asking questions to the shop assistant. I kept yelling for her, but she couldn’t hear me. I ended up going over and telling her that I was hurting and we needed to leave right then.

That night I couldn’t really sleep, and that wasn’t new as I’ve had sleepless nights for three or four months now, but this time was different –every few minutes I felt pain. Around 3 am I went and woke up mom letting her know I was in pain. She told me it was near then, as these were contractions. I didn’t know what to make of it and I was trying to deal with it one by one. After a while I woke up Ethan too, letting him know we may need to go to the hospital, but not yet.

As morning settled in, they started to be more spread out and weak, I was even able to sleep some in-between the pain. So what did we do the morning which turned out to be my early labor – we went to get our manicure and pedicure, as that was part of the plan to do so before the baby came.

 The morning of May 8th, before leaving to get our manis and pedis. 

 I was hurting even here, although that foot massage helped some, and I walked it off a few times. The women there said that I’d better not have my baby in their saloon. 

I assured them I didn’t want that either.

Later afternoon I had a doctor’s appointment so we came home and I got ready for the appointment, starting to hurt more regularly. I even asked mom to take some pictures of my big belly as this may be the last day of my pregnancy.

 My last pregnancy pictures, the afternoon of May 8th, in front of our apartment. 

At the doctor they checked and I was only 1.5 cm dilated. I asked them if my contractions were fake, but when describing it to them, they said they sounded as being real, and that I need to wait until they were five mins apart, one minute long for an hour.

Of course mom took me shopping one more store before coming home. At her favorite store - Ross. By then I was hurting more regularly and had to sit down as she finished purchasing more stuff.

What’s interesting about being in contractions is that everything can set you off. So in my case it was mom’s driving which was bothering me. I was pretty mean to her, and she took it silently, she must have known it was the pain. Before coming home, though, we had to make one more stop, - limeade and tres leche dessert  from Café Rio.

It was somewhat comforting to drink and chew on ice. Except that when coming home and having increased contractions, I threw up all that limeade. But it felt somewhat relieving.

By the time Ethan made it home from work, around 6 or 6:30 pm I was really in pain. Each time the contractions started I screamed. But they were still not five minutes apart. We turned on the tv, watched that 70 show, the distraction helped me some. I ended up in the nursery, which felt comforting and it was motivating being in her room, using her furniture as a focus point.

We then started writing down the frequency and length of each contraction, and it was getting close. I was standing, dancing, stretching on Enigma music (my zen music), and screaming some more.

Mom suggested we should go to the hospital. Ethan insisted we needed to make sure the contractions were frequent enough, and that I had asked him for months not to take me too early to the hospital since that may sabotage my chances for a natural birth. I agreed with him, and decided to wait a bit longer.

I then threw up again, this time I could feel something inside was different - the baby was more active. I told them that we can start getting ready. When my water broke at 9:40ish pm I knew that was the time. We packed up and rushed to the car.

The drive to the hospital is only 10 or 12 min long, but it felt forever. The breeze from the outside helped some, but the pain intensified and I was screaming.

By the time we entered the hospital mom had to walk me through as Ethan had to park the car. We went upstairs to check in. I was getting angry they were actually pondering whether to check me in or not. Ethan was on the phone with the on-call doctor who was asking questions.

We had to go to a triage room as a delivery room wasn’t ready. I was checked in at 10:30pm. By now I was screaming and hanging on the advice the nurses gave me about breathing through the contractions. The doctor came and confirmed I was ready to check into the hospital. She asked me some questions to which I suggested she should just take a look at my birthplan. She then asked if I wanted any drugs, that since I had a birthplan she thought I wouldn’t. I ask what type of Epidural they administered, and whether I would be able to walk right after. She said they only administered the full-on one and that I wouldn’t be able to walk right afterwards. I looked at my mom who nodded, in saying No to her. I looked at Ethan who didn’t show any attitude towards or against it.

I then said I wasn’t planning on any drugs, and that unless the baby’s life would be threaten I wouldn’t want any. She checked me and being 4 cm dilated, she warned me I would be in labor all night and that I would most likely be delivering morning time.

Mom disagreed and having the advantage of talking with me in Romanian, said it’ll be before 4 am and not to worry, that I could do it.

They took me into the labor room; it was probably 11:00 pm by now. The nurse administered the iv as I was dehydrated and she said it would help with the delivery.  She also gave me some pointers on how to breathe. I was supposed to relax my shoulders  and breathe through what felt like high voltage going through my body, as a thunder. She said to breath like the letter J, through the contraction. I tried really hard to do just that.

Ethan and mom were close by, but during the contractions I couldn’t stand anything close to me. I would just wave them off, indicating I needed space. I started feeling as in a daze – It felt as if I was drifting.

I asked the nurse if she was going to check again to see how dilated I was. I wanted to gage how long this would take.  She said she would check me shortly. Then I asked if I should push, and she was surprise I would feel like pushing. She then checked and was almost shocked to see I was dilated at 10 cm already. She asked me no tot push so she could get the doctor. Now, I was freaked out I would deliver without them in the room.

The doctor came, around 12:10 am, and they prepared the room within minutes. The umbilical cord was twice wrapped around her neck, and they told me not to push but my body was already on automode and I did. At 12:21 Emilia came. Luckily, the stellar doctor assisting me, not even my regular doctor, but one who was on call, unwrapped it super fast. 

I knew it was over when all the sudden I could have Ethan and mom close by and enjoy their presence, the daze was over and I felt invigorated. Life had meaning again and it was all making sense.  They placed her on my chest after a light wiping. She was calm and very aware. Her eyes were big and wide-opened and she was just looking at me. It was the most amazing and rewarding experience of my life. It felt deeper and more rewarding than anything else.

 She was very much aware and present, staring straight up into my eyes. 

During the labor process I had an array of random thoughts which helped me stay motivated. First, it was thinking about God and praying to Him. I felt Him very much aware of me and of what I was going through. Secondly, I thought of my earthly dad, and about his long-standing advice that when things get tough not to give up – that everyone feels that way too, but not giving up when it feels like it will lead to success. I then thought of this NPR story I had heard days before of a guy who was blasted by a terrorist bombing in Peru. I remembered his description of the incredible pain he went through, and I thought that my pain was most likely much lower than his and that at least mine was natural. I thought of women throughout time and how they each have gone through this pain as well, and that I could do it too. I remembered images of home births from a video we watched early in the pregnancy. Ethan's encouragement towards the end to experience the pain thoroughly and feel it in the moment also made me want to do just that. It definitely paid off working on him earlier to have him on my side as a supporter. Without him and my mother I know I wouldn’t have trusted myself and the outcome might have been very different.

What I learned from my delivery experience is that if I have a big enough reason, I can attain anything. I also learned to trust my instincts and my body the most and disregard anyone else's experience or advice (even my doctors showed skepticism that I would be able to have a natural delivery). 

                                         

Emilia Noelle Kirk, born on May 9th 2014, at 12:21 am 

6 lbs 7 oz and 19.5 in (2,920 gr and 49 cm) 

Right before we left the hospital, on Sat. May 10th in the afternoon.

The Circle of Life

When my grandpa passed away I started thinking of how generations are passing on while new ones are forming. And maybe it was in response to my mourning and in a way coping with his passing that I started thinking of my future children and that our family will carry on.

Well, I am happy to report that a new little person will be joining our family, prospectively on May 14^th of 2014.

So I knew that parenthood is synonym to sacrifice, but I had no idea how early on that can start. Also, I’m not sure if I live in a land of brave women who never complain about their physical difficulties even when facing great challenges, or normal women don’t get to go through this much, but so far this BABY has been kicking my trash.

Starting with week 6 (I am a little over 13 weeks right now), I started feeling the nausea, it was bad, smells any smells felt strong and I felt like I was gonna throw up every step I took. Starting with week…9 or 10 I did start throwing up, sometimes more than once a day.

At first I was really worried about gaining too much weight, as I know it has been done before in my family. But judging on my food aversions, and the fact that even water sets me off, now I’m worried I won’t put on enough weight. And this is another thing, I’ve already started with the worrying, even if I promised myself I won’t be one of those overprotective freako moms…

So yeah, I’ll admit it, it’s been tough feeling really excited when my whole life and personality have changed. I haven't felt like doing much besides sleeping and resting, even talking tires me off. 

But that all changed yesterday, when we got our first ultrasound. The baby was at first in a sitting position and it was tough to get the needed measurements, but shortly after it started twisting and turning and doing all these movements, as if trying to impress us or something. We don’t know what it is yet, but I think it looked like a boy. We wanted a girl to begin with but it got us really excited for either or.

Our first Sonogram at 13 weeks
They never meant much before, until it was Ours. 

A few weeks ago I had to pack up all the clothes I won’t be able to wear for a while. That means I am left with maybe 30% of my wardrobe.  It’s terrible; I’ve never had such limited outfit selection. And I’m not even up to part to going shopping for more maternity clothes.

There are some good parts about pregnancy, when I can tolerate food I get to eat and enjoy it freely, with no guilt. The husband is super understanding and does most of the housework now days. Family from far away is checking in and is super excited for us. I can skip (and I do it a lot) putting on makeup and taking care of myself (especially when feeling so crappy).  Sitting down in the front seats on the metro reserved for old or needy persons, even though it’s still hard to see I’m prego, but I’m having a clear conscience knowing I don’t have to yield the seat.  

In one word, this is a whole NEW experience. I was ready for it, I had no idea it would be this hard, but it had to be done and I feel blessed to be entrusted with a special spirit to bring on this earth and to care for. Also, if my husband is still in love with me after all the puking and being so run-down, now that’s the true love I was banking on.