Cleaving Unto Each Other in Less than two weeks

So I’m getting married in less than two weeks. Conceptually I get the fact that my life may go through the biggest change (greater than even changing continents back at 18). But what exactly does it mean to be united in marriage to my special one?

For a long time and before I met Ethan I was worried about the effect marriage can have on some people. I feel that some people lose their own identity when getting married. Even among stronger-personality people that I’ve known, after they got married one subdued to the other almost entirely, often times losing their charisma and what makes them them. And in most cases, if not all, it’s all subconscious and not decided upon by one or the other.

Yet, this was something I never wanted to experience, both not losing myself and what makes me, me; but even more importantly I never wanted to shut him down and have him subdue.

In our case it helps the fact that we’re both plenty opinionated (after all there’s a reason we both work in politics). But I think it’s also a conscious effort in allowing the other person to expand themselves and make them become more not less.

I was a bit intrigued when I learned that the verb ‘to cleave’ which is the Bible command for spouses to cleave unto each other, is the only verb in English which means both to come together and to separate.

One of my favorite writers, Kahlil Gibran said this regarding this very aspect of coming together in marriage:

"You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore.

You shall be together when white wings of death scatter your days.

Aye, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.

But let there be spaces in your togetherness,

And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.

Love one another but make not a bond of love:

Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.

Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.

Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.

Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,

Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.

Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.

For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.

And stand together, yet not too near together:

For the pillars of the temple stand apart,

And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.”

We’ll see how well we’ll be applying it past 12-12-12 though….

How would God teach humanity how to become like the Deity?

Parenthood. I find it the best way to have us become more like Him.

And why do parents love their children so much?

One day this year I was driving to see Ethan and I felt really at peace and loved by the Lord in a profound and complete way. My next thought was to wonder why exactly the Lord loved me so much. And I came up with two answers. 

One, He loves me because I am a part of Him, that there is a tiny bit in my make up that is divine and a part of Him. And two, He loves me because he sees my full potential, He sees me for who I really am, and knows how far and how high I can reach.

Realizing these two things has not justified or made me fully deserving of His love in such a complete and unconditional manner, it did, however, put it into perspective about understanding where it comes from.

For the same two reasons I believe parents love their children.

If God wanted He could have had us come into this world through some other way, but He chose to have us give birth and have our children be literally a part of us…and how would you not love that being when you understand whom they can become and how they may emulate your example.

Of course with this experience comes great responsibility and in helping our children most I think the first step is understanding who we are in this mortal existence and what we need to be doing with our lives in order to reach complete and perpetual happiness. And then passing that knowledge on, of both their divine identity and the pathway to the highest level of happiness is probably the greatest gift we can offer our children.

And of course these are all conclusions reached without having had yet that extraordinary experience of becoming a parent.

How Freedom Equals Love

Throughout my life I've always been fascinated and have sought eternal truths.

Working in politics has exposed me to many different ideas on a regular basis. But they are secular and not self-standing, they are easily disputed and people take various stands.
In contrast, eternal truths are self-standing and eventually adopted by everyone.

One of the latest such principles I have focused on, is that of Freedom.
It was triggered by this Veterans event I have attended for work. The event was started with the national anthem and pledge of allegiance, with a prayer and patriotic messages. Not having been raised with any of this, I got emotional and started pondering on the concept of freedom.

I realized that Freedom=Love. And I identified three different areas that this principle applies: 1. God’s gift of freedom to each living individual, 2. National freedom in a secular, political way and 3. Parents enabling their children to live life to its highest level by giving them freedom.

On the grandest level, God's love for us, I believe is best signified by the freedom he's giving us. Before we were even born we were given the opportunity to choose whether to come on this earth or not. Then he's put our first parents in such an environment where they could choose for themselves.
Many atheists I've talked to claim that their disbelief in a Heavenly Father stems from the fact that a loving God would never allow all the atrocities here on earth to take place. Ironically, I believe it is because of Him not interfering with humans’ decisions that we can feel His love most. By allowing us to choose for ourselves and allowing us to become who we choose to become is the only way for us to reach our full potential, and this is so important to Him that in spite of many people’s suffering He’s showing his love by not interfering.

Next aspect of freedom has to do with national freedoms: that of freedom of speech, of expressing oneself, of worshipping as each wishes...etc. When considering a country to live in where my family and I would have best chances to flourish and be happy, I wouldn't look into its GDP, or level of poverty, etc. But I believe those very freedoms mentioned above make all the difference in the world. That's truly what empowers the individuals and allows them to become who they need to become. Of course in the process of it there will be increased crimes, there will be plenty of individuals who will choose wrong over good, but that is the price we pay for allowing these freedoms.

The third type of freedom which translates into love is that of parents rearing their children. From observation and own interaction with kids of different ages I came to realize that allowing each one of them to develop and make conscientious choices for themselves, again giving them freedom, translates into love. This very act of loving own child so much that the parent is willing to allow them to make mistakes even, I find it as the highest act of love the parent could manifest. This aspect of freedom is probably also the hardest one to apply. At what point does the parent start fulfilling their responsibilities to protect and provide a solid foundation for their children, and when do they step aside and allow them to choose for themselves and even make their own mistakes?

Fathers Are Essential - And Especially Mine

It’s only fit I posted something about my father for Fathers’ Day as I’ve done so for my mother for Mothers’ Day this year.

First of all, men should be glad they live in a country which celebrates fathers, as in Romania and I’m guessing many other countries, we didn’t have a day set aside for Fathers (we do, however, have a Children’s Day –June 1st, probably Communism workings).

The main reason I don’t just love my father but I actually like him as well (i.e. who he is, how he thinks, how he sees the world etc.) and probably the most selfish one is that we are so much alike— not liking him would be not liking myself. And he does get the credit of me having emulated him and not the other way around, as he’s entered the world 17 years before I have.

It’s a bit difficult describing my relationship with my father, as so much of it goes deeper than words and even actions can describe. I would, however, say that seeing me happy has become his main purpose of existence ever since I’ve entered into his life; the way he reaches his happiness is through ensuring I am well taken care of and as happy as I can be.

I’m not sure that for the first years of my life I even understood completely that he was my father, or what that really meant, as I felt him more of a friend and as my equal than some sort of an authority figure. He would play with me constantly, and would integrate me into his life, so taking me training at his boxing gym, having me ride on his motorcycle as a toddler, and taking me jogging around the block and showing off to his friends when at 4 I could do 50 push-ups were common activities for us.

Probably the biggest gift Jean (I actually haven't called him dad since being a freshman in highschool) has offered me is that of being unreasonable. Yes, that of daring to dream and of aiming high when everyone around would shrink from it. Based on my life experience, he’s probably the person who believes the most in himself and who succeeds in spite of all odds. He has never waited around for opportunities to appear but has gone out and made it happen.

When all the other parents would demand their children to follow orders from their teachers (as ridiculous and as unfair as they might have been), my dad would let me know that he’d be on my side if I got in trouble at school as a result of expressing my opinions. And he’s always stuck by that promise he's made to me.

He’s taught me that when things are hard and I feel like giving up (whether when working out or looking for a dream job), to look around me and acknowledge that it feels just as hard for those around me, that they are struggling too but that the difference will be made by not giving up, especially when it gets hard.

He’s taught me that consistency is the key to success—that sooner or later if I keep at it I will achieve what I’m looking for, in just the way I’ve envisioned it.

My father would be the one who would fret when I got an A- and would ask why not a clean A. He’s also the first one to cheer me on and to brag about me to everyone who knows him.

What strikes me most about father-child relationships is that whether with a daughter or a son, the quality of this relationship determines so much in the kid’s life-Daughters end up expecting to be cherished and respected in future romantic relationships if they’ve experienced a healthy relationship and connection with their fathers. And sons become strong, responsible individuals who will provide and take care of their families.

Unfortunately, the opposite holds true too, whenever the child-father relationship is damaged it seems to linger with them for the rest of their lives, creating low self-esteem and unhealthy behavioral patterns. The unstable state of our world today, I believe it’s a direct result of weak and irresponsible fathers who have not cherished their children.

I feel so blessed and grateful to my father for whom he chose to be and for loving me in one of the purest and highest way I could be loved. His love for me has made it easy for me to understand and tap into the love that my Heavenly Father has for all of his children. Happy Fathers’ Day, Jeani.

I Love Her because she Loved Me first!

I started thinking more about my mother, not only because today was Mothers’ Day, but also because I’ve spent more time with her this week (we went shopping together, made cozonac – this Romanian crazy dessert which takes 5-6 hrs to make, and we weeded her garden), and I realized how much I really do enjoy spending time with her.

Being at church today, listening to talks on Moms, made me think of some of my mom’s traits that I admire and I would like to emulate, not just as a mother some day but also as a person.

Mom is curious – she wants to know a lot about my life.
Mom cares about every aspect of my life, she wants me to improve in every way.
She gets more pleasure from buying me something than for getting something great for herself.
She never gives up, even if it may be annoying to the rest of us, she is persistent – whether in making you try some food (when you clearly stated you weren’t going to have any), or solve some intricate, DMV or bureaucratic problem, she never gives up until she solves the issue.
Mom is best at finding stuff, you know the stuff that falls off the face of the earth with nowhere to be found, she magically finds it within seconds when you searched for minutes.
She rarely, if ever, says No – whether to helping for a late night school project that you’ve procrastinated on, or modifying that dress that I had to wear right the next day.
She’s never self-elevated herself, it’s never about HER.
My problems become her problems, instantly.
In spite of her love and care for me, she has this incredible objectivity when giving me advice, so she’s the first one to let me know that some piece of clothing doesn’t look good on me (when I inaccurately really think it does), or that I wasn’t the one right when arguing with someone.
We can and often do, gossip about everyone and everything.
She never stops talking, if she’s silent, then that’s bad – it makes our encounters way more entertaining, we also never get tired going over the same things at various times.
She’ll never stop forgiving us for making fun of her, for offending or even criticizing something she did etc.
Mom loves me unconditionally, always!

A Reoccurring Pattern in Politics

As an employee in the California State Capitol I have had the opportunity in the last week to hear numerous concerns by groups of various areas of activity, yet with same problem, of receiving a cut in their state funding proposed by the governor.
In my job description I usually do not take such meetings, although I found the experience of doing so quite revelatory in certain areas.

By the end of the 5th group in one single day, who has explained to me the importance of their own program and how the cut will be affecting the lives of many of those who are vulnerable and unable to help themselves, I was able to recognize a pattern.

First of all, each group, although they recognized and even acknowledged the general state of California and how is no longer able to afford all of these programs, they would even say that they’re aware each group maintains that their own cause is among most important, and therefore should not receive deep cuts, yet every single one of them would discount that reality entirely and persist in not having their program cut.

The second and probably most important trend it became very clear to me when listening to each of their challenges is the fact that most of the problems individuals are dealing with in our state could be alleviated and in a much better capacity than the government, by a nurturing, functional family environment.

It kind of hit me that over here, in the States, people have greater expectations and a sense of entitlement from their Government than they expect from their own families.

Maybe it is my upbringing in Romania, which even though it was in a Communist environment (up to when I was five years old) and healthcare and many other public programs were socialized, yet, I couldn’t remember people expecting any help from the Government in providing child care or transportation, or incentives to go to school etc. (there are so many such programs in California, I can’t even count).
What I remember from back home is that the grandparents would care for the children when the parents were at work, or the aunts and uncles, or in my case, if not living close to family, the neighbors would ensure you were fed and safe. And you know what effect this had…it brought us closer together as a community, and everyone was looking after each other.

What do we have instead in a place as California? angry parents and citizens who expect never-ending help from the state, or who refuse promotions and better jobs so that they continue to qualify for certain government programs. This does not seem as a healthy formula for success or progress in any society.
I have solid faith in individual capacity to get innovative and find ways to overcome own challenges. When doing so, that’s how they grow to their full potential and become strong people in society in whom one can trust. Ironically enough, all of these government programs meant to help and protect the vulnerable, end up crippling them by allowing and even encouraging them to see themselves as victims in society and therefore functioning to lower capacity, having as the end result a lack of human dignity and satisfaction of overcoming life’s challenges and obstacles.

In the place I have come from, people don’t have even a fraction of the opportunities that are over here. Education, most often, makes no difference in ensuring a good future, but most everyone I grew up around in the 18 years I lived in Romania, was a fighter. They tried their hardest to provide for their children and to take care of their families. No one expected anything from outside and as a result of it, even though most would be in the sad predicament of a monthly wage of a few hundred dollars, they were happy in knowing they were giving their best.

I wish people in our state would look outside of themselves and implement a new approach to life in overcoming challenges, one which does not resume to asking for more from our Government.

What Fascinates Me

One of my favorite things to do is talking with my married friends about the beginnings of their relationship. I love how different versions they each have, and how they contradict how it actually happened and which one of them was more into the other one.

But what I love the most is how excited they actually get talking about that stage of their relationship. I can see it in their eyes how some of that fire and excitement it is being rekindled. My guess is that if most if not all couples would go back in time at times and ponder on how incredible their relationship was and the miracle of them actually having ended up together, that they would withstand many of the present challenges of their relationship.

I truly believe in the power of rekindling that fire time and time again, I just wish more would see its beauty and power. And all it's needed is a will, I think. Anyway, I, once again, find it fascinating, the way each one of them ended up together with a complete stranger that had become a really good friend and eventually a companion. I love that process and I think it is one of the most powerful and beautiful things in our world.

No wonder there is so much attack on that tie between a man and a woman who have committed to each other for the rest of their lives. When they are strong as a couple, nothing can touch them, they are invincible. You weaken that bond and everything else crumbles...