You Want to Feel more Confident, Fail More!

For a five-foot-tall woman I am probably confident enough at a first glance. However, I wouldn't necesarly describe myself as confident by the standard definition. I know what I'm good at and my strengths well but I am even more aware of my lacking. However, I recently heard a new definition for CONFIDENCE, which is how comfortable one is with failing. Now, by this new definition I am very confident. My father raised me that it's better to take the risk and fail, rather than never try it all together. 

With this principle in mind I am also trying to teach my kids the importance of being comfortable with failing. I do this by encouraging them to enter random writing and contest competitions, by trying new sports and competing in it, and even by selling homemade goods. This week my oldest two went door to door to finish selling homemade horchata and rice pudding cups their siblings and I sold at a stand in the neighborhood. Emilia was resistant to it, and said it was embarrassing, but Addie was on board and even enjoyed it. 

Looking back over my life I do regret not trying more things and having more failures. I can make a list of all my failures:

- in 4th grade I qualified for a regional math olympics competition only to botch it big time; 

- I bombed the L-SAT my senior year, I still applied to three law schools, only to be rejected; 

- I applied for Teach for America, made it the first round but after showing up in person for a lesson demonstration, I was dropped out; 

- I was rejected for numerous job applications before landing my first full-time job at the height of 2009 Recession;

- I got my heart broken up a few times during the 12 years I dated before getting married; 

- I was rejected by thousands when trying to share the Gospel of Jesus Christ while serving my mission in VA. 

But I could make another list at least this long, if not even longer with successes I got to experience. And I am convinced that knowing that failures won't be the end of it all, that I can recover and move past failings that I was able to go for new goals.

My next potential failure/success is to become a Seminary/Institute instructor, which I'm hearing is pretty hard to do, as they grill you and want to make sure you can teach well and effectively. Sometimes is easier to think we're smart or capable, without having to put it to the test. But the more we try the more we'll succeed, so maybe it really is a numbers game more than anything else. 

So, if you want to feel more confident, fail more. 

Are We Good, or Are We Bad?

I had an interesting experience last Sunday at church. My kids were extra hard, nothing out of ordinary with that, but I got all worked up when trying to discipline them, as I often do. And I was not soft or kind enough in trying to shut them up during sacrament meeting. My body was literally in FIGHT mode and it felt like I was in a battlefield. All that would have been fine, but I was asked to offer the closing prayer. I kept hoping I'd be able to feel something and transpose my state towards something better and higher. Luckily, our closing hymn did help me feel the spirit more, so when I approached the pew for the closing prayer I felt more like myself and closer to God. 

Afterwards I had a few people thanking me and commenting on how great my prayer was. Which got me thinking, was I a hypocrite because moments before that nice prayer I was fighting my kids and I was in a totally different state? For a moment I question whether I was being a fraud, and that I didn't want people to think higher of me than what I am. But then I kept going deeper and felt that no, I wasn't any of those things, that my true and higher self is the Alise who offered the prayer, but that I am also a flawed person with shortcomings.

I think so often we think of life and people in terms of either this, or that. We think in terms of black vs. white, good vs. bad; when in reality things and people are a lot more nuanced, and that most of us are good people with flaws that we need to keep working and overcoming. As soon as I adopted that belief and explanation of how I can be both good and bad I felt lighter and less burdened. I felt like a work in progress, that I am not deceiving others by being good and bad in the same day, sometimes even hour, but that I'm really trying here and many times I still fail.