It’s only fit I posted something about my father for Fathers’ Day as I’ve done so for my mother for Mothers’ Day this year.
First of all, men should be glad they live in a country which celebrates fathers, as in Romania and I’m guessing many other countries, we didn’t have a day set aside for Fathers (we do, however, have a Children’s Day –June 1st, probably Communism workings).
The main reason I don’t just love my father but I actually like him as well (i.e. who he is, how he thinks, how he sees the world etc.) and probably the most selfish one is that we are so much alike— not liking him would be not liking myself. And he does get the credit of me having emulated him and not the other way around, as he’s entered the world 17 years before I have.
It’s a bit difficult describing my relationship with my father, as so much of it goes deeper than words and even actions can describe. I would, however, say that seeing me happy has become his main purpose of existence ever since I’ve entered into his life; the way he reaches his happiness is through ensuring I am well taken care of and as happy as I can be.
I’m not sure that for the first years of my life I even understood completely that he was my father, or what that really meant, as I felt him more of a friend and as my equal than some sort of an authority figure. He would play with me constantly, and would integrate me into his life, so taking me training at his boxing gym, having me ride on his motorcycle as a toddler, and taking me jogging around the block and showing off to his friends when at 4 I could do 50 push-ups were common activities for us.
Probably the biggest gift Jean (I actually haven't called him dad since being a freshman in highschool) has offered me is that of being unreasonable. Yes, that of daring to dream and of aiming high when everyone around would shrink from it. Based on my life experience, he’s probably the person who believes the most in himself and who succeeds in spite of all odds. He has never waited around for opportunities to appear but has gone out and made it happen.
When all the other parents would demand their children to follow orders from their teachers (as ridiculous and as unfair as they might have been), my dad would let me know that he’d be on my side if I got in trouble at school as a result of expressing my opinions. And he’s always stuck by that promise he's made to me.
He’s taught me that when things are hard and I feel like giving up (whether when working out or looking for a dream job), to look around me and acknowledge that it feels just as hard for those around me, that they are struggling too but that the difference will be made by not giving up, especially when it gets hard.
He’s taught me that consistency is the key to success—that sooner or later if I keep at it I will achieve what I’m looking for, in just the way I’ve envisioned it.
My father would be the one who would fret when I got an A- and would ask why not a clean A. He’s also the first one to cheer me on and to brag about me to everyone who knows him.
What strikes me most about father-child relationships is that whether with a daughter or a son, the quality of this relationship determines so much in the kid’s life-Daughters end up expecting to be cherished and respected in future romantic relationships if they’ve experienced a healthy relationship and connection with their fathers. And sons become strong, responsible individuals who will provide and take care of their families.
Unfortunately, the opposite holds true too, whenever the child-father relationship is damaged it seems to linger with them for the rest of their lives, creating low self-esteem and unhealthy behavioral patterns. The unstable state of our world today, I believe it’s a direct result of weak and irresponsible fathers who have not cherished their children.
I feel so blessed and grateful to my father for whom he chose to be and for loving me in one of the purest and highest way I could be loved. His love for me has made it easy for me to understand and tap into the love that my Heavenly Father has for all of his children. Happy Fathers’ Day, Jeani.
